I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
