I love black thongs
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
