the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
