I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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