If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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