This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
