I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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