Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
This is my gift to your gina
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
