this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
