Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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