Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
