I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
