Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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