piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you win again, gameday.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
