I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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