I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
