This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
