Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
