eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
