my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
