i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
