I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
