Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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