i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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