the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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