I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
