she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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