im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
we made out on top of his cat.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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