So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
