update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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