Need sex. Gaining weight.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
