I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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