i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
