If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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