Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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