NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
