I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
