you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
