So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
