i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
