She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
