I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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