I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
