Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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