I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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