reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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