You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
