Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Someone signed my nipple.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
