she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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