You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
