someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
