im drinking this country out of the recession.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
