I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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