I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
